Mr Brightside

....and wine

2009-02-14T16:28:00.002+08:00

Allostatic load

I sometimes wish that, I am really really smart, so that I wouldn't need to spend so much time on the books and spend more time with my love ones.
I wish I am tireless, so that when I do find time to spend with them, I am at my best.
I wish I can be more like them, so romantic plastic flowers. But I can't.
I wish I was rich, so I could drive up to your block in the middle of the night.

I think I could be very much more than I am, and I could be very much less. Jesus came to save imperfect people, I am not perfect. But I am trying! Very hard!

I think I could have very much more. University is killing me. Really, but I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't let a bit of hardship bring you down.

Goodbye.

Meet me halfway

2009-01-04T22:00:00.001+08:00

Been a long hiatus.

Oh well.

Just one thing from me.

take
time
to

realize....

Spin

2008-08-29T09:50:00.001+08:00

The world keeps spining spining spining spining and I can't keep up up up up at all.....

just like that

2008-08-01T01:26:00.001+08:00

and my world seem to crumble down just like that....

We're empty

2008-08-01T00:18:00.002+08:00

Today, I feel llike the click 5 singing empty. Somehow I feel like no matter how i try its going downwards. I'm not trying enough. Its the qualitu, yes. That must change.

Change changes and more changes. So much changes happening in such a short time, i really hope that we can adapt to it and at the same time making the best out of the changes.

Give me sometime okay?

I'm not perfect. =(

No more screaming out for love

2008-07-20T21:59:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to you.

Cant wait for you to come back!
Miss you like crazy.
Will see you soon!

The Little Prince

2008-07-10T23:32:00.003+08:00

Argh freakkk!

my really long post has been deleted by some error.

Freaking errors.

!!!

But its okay still. Because, no one needs to hear my complains.

Ta ta for now, world!

Me Against the Arts

2008-06-17T17:22:00.002+08:00

Hmmmm. The Arts camp.

Honestly, I'm alittle aphrensive about it. I mean, like meeting all these new people so many so short a time. And whether will I fit in or not. Stuff like that.

But more importantly, I dont want to step over the line of over friendliness and yet I dont want to be unenthuastic about things. I want to be! I dont want NUS to be another JC experience. And either way, I dont want to disappoint anyone. And more importantly, as selfish as I may sound, I dont want to disappoint myself.

Responsibility to me is not a choice, it is a responsibility. And I will uphold it, and I will be responsible for all my actions. I will not be led inot temptation.

Trust me on this one.

Signing off,
the geek to be, Alex

food!

2008-06-12T23:09:00.001+08:00

Well, yes. What have I been up to? Getting fat is the answer. Yup.

I realised after being attached for a while, there is a tendency for one to grow, fatter. Haha yes yes. And in this case, its me.

Okay, need to cut down on those COke and fatty food already.

Right?

"And if the ends are here, then this is... the End."

2008-05-23T14:26:00.002+08:00

Yes yes, the ends are here.

Pretty much like ORDing, bittersweet, but its more bitter t han sweet as opposed to being more sweet t han bitter in NS. =S

I will miss those kids. Ah man, so many take aways from this job. Really glad that I was able to work there, and more importantly, learn there.

Kids kids kids, say the darnest thing.

-

2008-05-07T18:59:00.003+08:00

Nothingness.

What more can I say?

And then falling, after that.

2008-04-21T20:42:00.000+08:00

At the end of the day,

I really wouldnt wanna hear myself say '............. but same story.'

Hey Zhiyang, come back soon man.

Believeing in Love

2008-04-01T17:20:00.003+08:00

Believing in love
'For the warrior, there is no such thing as impossible love. He does not let himself be intimidated by silence, indifference or rejection. He knows that behind the mask of ice that people wear there exists a heart of fire.
That is why the warrior risks more than others. He seeks tirelessly for someone’s love - even if this means often hearing the word "no", returning home defeated and feeling rejected in both body and soul.
A warrior does not let himself become scared when he seeks what he needs. Without love he is nothing.'
-Paulo Coelho's Manual of a Warrior of Light

I guess I've always stood by this passage. I thought it was beautiful the very first time I read it, and still thinks so.

But... I'm quite tired of returning home defeated and feeling rejected in body and soul.

Give me a sign, any sign!

just a stone throw away

2008-03-31T19:36:00.001+08:00

Sighs sighs sighs.

Why does it have to be so difficult. Haaa. I wish it was so much easier, than I guess I could probably be happier? Maybe not.

Hmmm, so maybe its true that I want what I cant have.

But we shall see this week. We shall see. =s

It should be me

2008-03-21T18:17:00.002+08:00

'Maybe it's true that I'm someone who only wants what he can't have. But what if the thing I want is the girl I'm supposed to end up with?'

Yes yes, you would had guessed right, from Scrubs season 3.

The Janitor

2008-03-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

Elliot. Elliot. Elliot elliot elliot elliot.

Maybe Not Today

2008-03-07T22:52:00.004+08:00

I think this is such an apt time to share this poem of sort I read from a book by Paulo Coelho, Like a Flowing River.

You dont always have to pretend to be strong,
there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you shouldnt be concerned about wat other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,
its good to cry out all your tears.
(because only then will you be able to smile again)

sweetness.

Okay Term 2 Plan B!

Cer cer cer.

2008-03-05T21:15:00.001+08:00

Some OCIFFER is gonna come home tmr la!
Wooo! Haha, well, I guess this is your grand welcome, but you'll probably read this like, 3 weeks after you touch down. Haha.

And, some sir, is gonna be... well, sir!

Goody, so many good things happening.

cos there is none

2008-02-29T07:11:00.002+08:00

Five Minutes to colours, sir!

Okay, 5 minutes to work actually. Hmmm, he mentions, the reason why shes so happy everyday is because she has something to be happy about every single day. As for me, today is... well, the sky looks great, and thats good enough.

But I think today, I will do it! Yes yes, no more procastination. Again, as he wrote in his book, 'warrior of light', "Behind that mask of ice, is a heart of fire...." Well there was something else he said in that passage, but I dont think I wanna share it here. But its great, today's the day.

Okay here we go!

Friday nights and empty nights

2008-02-27T22:22:00.002+08:00

I guess I could predict how its gonna be like on that night.

I'm gonna walk with the wind brushing against my face. Some people are gonna ask me, 'hey you're here alone...?'. I'm gonna just nod my head and sit alone and not try to fit in. Emptiness.

Sighs. Is it really that hard....?

The Zahir

2008-02-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

'Others will dream that I am mad, and I [will dream] of the Zahir. When all men on earth think day and night of the Zahir, which one will be a dream and which a reality, the earth or the Zahir?"

From "El Zahir" by Jorge Luis Borges.

How lovely.

Frigggin

2008-02-22T19:57:00.002+08:00

Freak freak freak freak freak....!

Why am I so damn annoyed. Ahhhhhh! Damn it man.

Wanna talk about it?

Maybe not.

Morning class!

2008-02-20T18:10:00.002+08:00

So everyday,

Wake up at 6.30am. Work.

End work.

Go Home, nap.

Ah man! I really like this job. Seriously, its really rare that I look forward to working, okay, I did look forward to working at the bar too. But i really like it here too.

I'm really thankful that I've found some friends there. Yup yup. Okay. Time to find Elliot!

Its the brains!

2008-02-14T19:17:00.002+08:00

Just so theres no misunderstanding...

In that dream, she said something like this, ' Why? Why you want my company so much...?' And I could see the longing in her eyes for me to say 'Cos I like you'. Which of cos i didn't. I shrugged and said 'I dont know'. But I kinda like her in that dream at least.

Okay settles it!

ANYWAY!

The week's been good, will be better! Somehow I feel like JD, the first few episode of season one. Ahhh. Elliot!

Totally enjoyed dinner with ZY. I'm still amused by the maze tattoo joke. Haha, ask me!

Okay, bye for now!

Don't, rush to the start.

2008-02-09T12:25:00.000+08:00

How is it possible. How is it even possible to dream of someone you dont know. I mean, I have never met her in person before, I don't know her, only her name. Saw her picture once. And, nope, never fancied her.

Its crazy. In that dream, it felt so real, so... bizarre?

Maddness. Maybe I am going crazy.

The Afterwards

2008-02-07T18:31:00.001+08:00

Okay, it really was a bitter sweet feeling after getting back my pink IC. I mean, when I gotten it back, it felt weird, I havent seen that thing for 2 years! But I guess its really not the pink IC that matters, its more of the power it holds.

Anyway, I practically slept the whole day today. Tired.

Oh yesterday's performance was good. Heres one picture with Maj Foong (Zi). Yes yes. "Its not an easy task". Haha. HOOYA 26th UDT!

How far we've come

2008-02-01T23:04:00.000+08:00

7th April

POP

Physical Phase

Hellweek

Dive

Graduation

Land phase

UDT

ORD!

Oh man! Its coming. But, its kinda a bittersweet feeling. Okay, I might just be saying it for saying sake now, but really, it is bittersweet.

Well, we'll end with a bang then! Watch out on the 6th!

3 years ago

2008-01-20T15:59:00.000+08:00

After all that has been said and done,

I realised she was right all the while.

I always run away from my problems.

Stolen

2008-01-13T21:03:00.000+08:00

"As I looked at all the relationships around me, some had gone on forever, some that were reigniting, and some had just begun,

I realised something,

It should had been me"

Effing

2008-01-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

I really ought to find comfort in the fact that i'm gonna ORD next month.

But seriously, ORD seems like its just been extended. So many more effing events coming up? Like hello, we're gonna ORD and we're doing the training stuff?

I really hoped it was like 25th Batch, when, we came to unit in JAN they were ALREADY in the process of dekitting, and all they had to do, well, really, is report every morning and then, sleep.

Sighs. Freakkkkkkking.

We're probably only gonna dekit one week before we ORD. Well, GREAT NEWS everyone.

Damn it. If only it was, simpler.

2008

2008-01-01T15:16:00.000+08:00

Hey.

2007 had been a pretty good year. Well, could had been worse really.

Well, cant believe its the New year already. Which actually means I've to report to camp tomorrow. Sighs. Welcome to the suck.

Oh man. 2008 will be a great year. Seriously, so many things to look forward to! Yup.

We're only human

2007-12-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

Sighs.

I cant believe I've finish season 6 of Scrubs just like that. Freak, now I've got nothing else to do after I ORD. (Cant wait!)

Hmmm, I cant believe I went ' NooooooOoo! ' at the episode where Keith proposes to Elliot and JD went ' It should had been me '. And of cos with the song Stolen in the background.

Ah.

what to do....!
Suggestions....?

Snowman

2007-12-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

Heyyy.

Its Christmas' eve. Well, I had fun at Hilton. I guess its special given it was Christmas and all, and everyone's really nice.

I kinda miss _______. I think shes special. Really special. I guess its probably shes some one who listens to me, for a real long time. I mean, its been a long time since I was able to talk to someone like that. And also a long time someone seems interested in listening what I have to say. Man... sighs.

I was on a train just now, and this little boy was telling his grand dad to sit down. And apparently he doesnt want to cos he finds it hard to stand up again if he does. And the boy went on ' You must try! Try to sit down and try to stand up, if you cant stand up, you must keep trying until you can!' Haha, hes only 5. And honestly, I somehow felt that in some weird way, i was meant to hear that. Yup. keep trying Alex.

Keep trying...

i'm no superman

2007-12-04T19:13:00.000+08:00

What had been living in my dvd drive you may ask?

SCRUBS!

Seriously. I wonder what am I to do after ORD if I finish the seasons. argh

Anyway, its great to be single. I mean, not like I've been in a serious relationship, but I think, it'd feel good to be single. YES IT WOULD.

Last weekend was great, did the car thang wtih Zhiyang.ANd the water proof card. Haha. (So lammmeee, just kidding) Really liked it. WOOoo! It was crazy. Thankfully, I didnt crash. And no police caught me for using an illegal license. Phew.

Haha, gotcha! I am a LICENSED driver for sakes.

Yup. Okay thats all for now. And hey, I know it sounds weird, but I feel good about whats to come into my life soon, weird cos, I dont know what it is yet. OH GOSH. This crazy anticipating of nothing feeling!

Cold hands.

2007-12-01T13:08:00.000+08:00

HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO WORLLLLDDDDDDDDD!!

Oh my gosh oh my gosh!

Seriously, today was a good day. A really really good day. Okay, the morning didnt start that well, cos I had to wake up at 4.45am to go to town. And I was late for mustering. All these for a charity walk. But, its okay, cos I think its worth. I hope I some how made someone's Christmas alittle bit more special.

THEN!

I went to Vivo to do magic as well. Initially I thought it wasnt gonna be snazzy and all. But hey! It didnt! But it was great, because its for a charitable cause. I actually did magic to elderlys. No no, it wasnt as bad as you might think. Or I might think. Cos they are really really appreciative. And honestly, I feel closer to them, and its pretty easy to connect. Sometimes, I think thats much more important than classic magic. Hmm, oh well. Then there was this girl, with really cold hands. Shes pretty cute. But oh well, cant mix work with pleasure. But it was great, made things so much easier.

Okay gotta go back later to break down the tentage at Ngee Ann. Hmmm, Brunei next week! Starvation, here we come!

The name game

2007-11-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

I know what you're thinking. I know exactly what you are thinking.

You must be thinking, okay, Alex, its so hard to find a girl already, and YET, 172cm? Haha, I thought that way too man. Seriously. But i think shes out there, somewhere. Somehow.

Anyway! Today's performance was UbErZzZz fun! Seriously, never had such fun for a long time. It was great.

Oh heres a picture I took at the TOILET! Can you imagine!

Does that make me crazy?

2007-11-10T03:24:00.000+08:00

Wa! I seriously! want to have a girlfriend who is 172 cm. Seriously!

Hahaha!

If thats ok with you.

2007-11-06T21:06:00.000+08:00

Hello!

Okay, I'm gonna do some interview thingy tomorrow with the Straits Times about NDU. Uh huh uh huh! Watch out for that man! Seriously, I'm really excited but scared at the same time that I might star stutt stutter. Haha, but it'll all be good.

Okay, I thought about it already, it really isnt about what you DON'T have, but what you have. Yup, so what if I dont have a ___ or a __. Yeah, I mean its all cool. Cos I've got something most people don't have. (and yes, you guessed it)

Okay, anyway, 3 more months to ORD. I can see clearly now, the O and R is gone! WOOOOTZZZzz. Albeit long, and tiring, but hey hey, here we go again!

If thats okay with you.

Oh oh oh!
Since I dont know how to put the Youtube thing up here. Watch this!

Hoo Hooo! MAGICCCCCKKK!
WATCH IT! WATCH IT!

SCRUBS

Magish

2007-10-30T20:36:00.000+08:00

I just watched Copperfield's special, Tornado of fire, special on Channel 5.

Man, it made me more sour that he isnt coming. His magic is just spectacular. Its enchanting. Its not like those everyday magicians on TV who is probably 'freakkkkinggg cooollll!'. Nah, its not. His magic touches your emotions. And thats real magic.

Okay, on a totally different note, I dont understand what that comment was for, but at the end of the day, you need to think about this, we both agreed to this which you wanted it more than I do. So what now? Arent you happy now?

Cos I am.

What Dreams May Come

2007-10-23T20:03:00.000+08:00

I like this book.

I really really like the part where Chris enters the old house and how he tries to convince Ann. I think that is very very sweet. No, I mean really, to go thru hell to get to her. Awww mannnn. Cant wait to find the movie. But really, that chapter nearly, (NEARLY) made me tear.

And I thought the song by DCFC- I will follow you into the dark is really apted for this book.

How romantic.

Kiss me like you meant it

2007-10-21T18:03:00.000+08:00

Its nice to be appreciated once in a while (haha, I actually typed once in a well before correcting it). Okay scratch that, its great to be appreciated once in awhile. But I guess it feels so good cos it happens once in awhile eah? Maybe.

Okay. So its back to the drawing board for now. But its okay, I can take it. Used to it, and....! It makes me stronger. Okay, bye! Time to find ____.

Oh, the song by Dashboard Confessional, Hands down, is really good.

=)

Delilah

2007-10-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

"Its the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting..."

Oh mannn.... Please reply please replyyyy! Pleaseeee......

I know you may never stumble upon this. But its really terrible to be waiting for something that, at the back of your mind, may never come.

=((((

Tales of obession

2007-10-10T16:30:00.000+08:00

"... If I had to find another, I hope its you, not someone like you or someone who looks like you, but you"

From the Zahir, I believe, I might have remembered the phrase wrongly, but you get the jist.

How sweet how sweet.

Ah man, I would runaway.

the aftermath

2007-10-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

....Oh its what you do to me, its what you do to me....

Hi. I'm back. And I think I've grown after this trip. It was good, infact, I think it was great.

But it wasnt too great in other sense too. I realised, that, its stupid for me to put in so much effort for somethings thats dying. So let it die let it die.

Okay, till the next time then.

Last moments before sunset

2007-09-14T09:47:00.000+08:00

OKay, I'm leaving home in another 1/2 hr. And Singapore in another 3 hours.

Oh well, I do feel alittle, apprehensive about this trip. Sighs sighs sighs. But I'll be back good alright. Yup.

OKay, then its 3 weeks from now then!

Goodbye and will miss you all.

Taiwan

2007-09-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I'm leaving for Taiwan tomorrow. Oh man, I'll be back alive. No worries. 5th Oct. Yup yup.

Seeya folks around.

2007-09-11T16:05:00.001+08:00

I feel like crap now. In another 3 days before another 3 weeks. Oh man. Damn it. Hate it.

I feel so... so.... empty.

Oh Taiwan, why does this feel like what I felt before Hellweek. But its totally different. Man....

1973

2007-09-09T18:34:00.000+08:00

Today's performance, i thought was, bad. Just bad. I'm really not too sure, if its me or just the crowd. I BELIEVE, its my new hair cut. Haha, damn it, must cut hair before going Taiwan. But its okay, cos someone told me that, the more you perform, the more chances you are gonna have a bad day. But just brace upon the good days and move on.

Yup. Not too bad, lessons learnt.

Oh Taiwan Taiwan. Again, I have no noble reasons not to feel like going, but I really, abhore such overseas trips. Oh bummer.

Heroes

2007-09-07T11:22:00.000+08:00

I was really really really dishearten when NO ONE (yet) outside the magic circle wanted to see my childhood hero. I mean, man... Its like, I almost expected everyone to be like 'yes yes yes!'. But nah. But its okay, I could try harder.

Okay. David Copperfield Live in Singapore, anyone?

Life's a dance

2007-09-02T19:07:00.000+08:00

Weekends are shorter now than before. But thats a sign that I had been making full use of it right?

Right.

BBQ last night was great. Not too bad, had fun meeting different people. Hmmm, now thinking back, I think I shall do mass comm. Haha. ;P

Its been a long time since I had 12hours of sleep. Oh man man man man....! I NEED THAT!

... then play on....

2007-08-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

If I be Orsino, you'd be Viola. For time after time you had been my messenger to Olivia.

Well, you are right, I'm more in love with love than being in love.

Sadly.

2007-08-25T20:36:00.000+08:00

I completed 'Big Fish' today.

Initially, I thought it was a nonsenical book about how a boy's father's mystical adventure.
Then, I read the Guide to Big Fish, then I nearly cried. Because, it was all the boy's imagination of his father. He knows nothing of his father and wished he knows him more.

I feel like the boy. I wished I had a better ......

The Zahir

2007-08-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

I was glad I listen to my heart. Yup. Thanks for being, understanding.

Ah well, my Zahir still lives. Sighs, I wonder when will she go away.

Whats a Zahir? Ask Paulo Coelho.

memory bliss

2007-08-16T18:18:00.000+08:00

If you had to lie,

would you lie to your head, or to your heart.....?

Letters to Sandra

2007-08-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

-

I've actually written quite a lengthy post, and you can see its replaced by the '-' now.

You see the thing is that, it really isnt me to show my real feelings so freely. Hmmm.

So perhaps there really isnt any letters to Sandra at all.

tata!

9 crimes.

2007-08-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

"It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you "

Okay good people.

I think i really ran out of things to blog. Haha, I guess nothing much interesting happening in my life nowadays. But well, theres like one or two things which are pretty interesting, but I really dont think I should say it here.

And... guess thats about it.

SEEYA (and this really means, like, I'll see you again, and not, good bye I dont wanna see you again)

Haha, I'm so retarded, sometimes.

bring your flowered hat

2007-08-03T20:09:00.000+08:00

Hi.

Hmmmm. Lets just say its quite embarrassing for the post below to even exist.

Anyway! Life seems alright I guess. Just need to let go. Yea.

Hmmm, and, I guess, I really dont wanna try anymore.

SEEYA!

tingling

2007-07-29T17:42:00.000+08:00

"Where?"
He points to his cheeks.
"You're too tall! Come closer!"
Shocked he was, then he refused. What was on his mind! He now sighs. But he feels good about himself.

Oh yes, this is the way he forgets and move on.

2007-07-26T22:27:00.000+08:00

how many times must i hear the fucking word, no, before a yes comes?

Miss water.

2007-07-24T13:49:00.000+08:00

"Off again....?" You'd hear him say.

"Sighs, there really isnt anything for me to do during these offs!" and he thinks about his mundane (love) life.

But there is one thing for sure he told himself "For every one defeat, there will be 2 victories in his favour".

Then he goes BUSY, and he goes back to sleep.

My name is Al

2007-07-17T23:47:00.000+08:00

Hi.

My name is Alexander.

And, I'd like to start all over again.

Lets go back to the start.

Shall we?